the blog of a life-time

the rants that saved my life

Saturday, June 14, 2003

hey did you all check out the link to the photos i took under the bolte bridge?? check out the links on the side thingo

ok, first of all YAY FOR ME!!!! coz i got the job at the credit union place!! start on the 30th June!!

i'm pretty excited about the whole thing actually.

so we've stepped up the search for a place to buy. and it has become ever more evident that looking for a place to buy Sux Ass!!

not for any good reason, its just that everything is either really really spense or its the right pirce and looks like a pile of poo...or it looks ok but is lacking in essential house things like a proper bathroom etc or the most likely, it is not habitable without spending a bazillion $$ on renovations.

due to the fact that i am NOT a native Victorian, i do not have the renovator gene....why can't be like in perth where you find new and good houses that are reasonable in price all over the place.?!?!?!?

stoopid melbourne.

i have watched 3 episodes of The sopranos today.

i am so in love with that show.

mostly it has filled the void left by Buffy and Angel. i mean those two shows have been my staple download and watch items since last september.

i am really really cut and in quite deep denial about there not being any more Buffy.

blablabla

so anyway, Katy (matt's sister) and her friend Stacey are arriving tonight. they have stayed with us before...like way back in december 2001....it was like Barbie and Malibu Stacey came to visit!! it as an invasion of the valley girls!

but they are older and hopefully wiser and won't be too much trauma.

but it means that when i'm taking them sightseeing Mik can come along if he wants... he arrives on MOnday. I don't really know where he is staying. i think hamish said something about staying with him... but if he stays with dan then he'll be close by... but i think he said soemething about Frankston.... in which case he's on his own! too far away...


so we are sposed to pick up the girls at 11pm and then go out for a drink or 2. I can't really be stuffed.
so i'm hoping they will be tired and satisfied to go out for cocktails morrow night instead.

Actually Matt and I went to Dan Murphy's this arvo.

spent up on booze.

got some more bombay saphire..got a few other essentials too... like Zubrowska (bison grass vodka) and about 10 bottles of wine.

we had pay check fever, but we controlled ourselves and put the Absynthe, apple schnapps, chambord and rum back on the shelf.

:)

i was getting all goosepimply just holding the Absynthe. decided it could get messy if i was left alone with the stuff at any point.

it was a strange feeling. practically orgasmic. get the same feeling when i drink it. all giggles and fun.

we gave the dogs a bath this evening. i love it when they smell all lovely and clean. but i do like their 'dog' smell too. must be the pheromones.

oh matt and i have been watching season 1 of X-files this past week. damn it was spooky.

even after all these years...

well i guess i'd best have shower and get prettied up in case they aren't too tired to get jiggy with it.

check ya


Friday, June 13, 2003

my interview is in 2 hours.

Dave sent me an email....which has made me feel better.

i am just going to go do my best to get this job.... and hopefully it will be the right thing to do....

as i always say " it always works out in the end."

which it always does, one way or another.


so anyway, as i was waking up this morning i remembered something from yesterday that i had somehow managed to forget...

ok this isn't really that bizarre but it kind of is.

at the markets yesterday, this guy turned up at about lunch time. he used to work for Erol, who is Ibo's turkish friend hat owns a handbag and wallet stall. so this guy, who was prolly in his early 20's used to work for erol for 3 years and stopped about 7 months ago to go work for optus. and i don' remember his name...but it think it Ahmet?? maybe

so anyway, all the other stall owners were all pleased to see him... this is coz all the stall owners are quite good friends...(somehting i miss out on i think, coz i'm a girl)...blababla

he was a nice guy, made idle chit chat....

then when i had finished packing up he asked how i was getting home, i said i catch the tram, he said do you want a lift and i said yes.

so i got a life home with a veritable stranger.

and i think the only reason i did it was coz i was so distracted by my guilt and trauma over having to find a new job that my judgment went out the window

but then again, he was fairly harmless....no bad vibes or anything

i think the point i'm trying to get to is that this type of behaviour is not so usual for me...well the me of these days.

it was fairly typical of the me of 5 years ago. the me that was so crazy that when i was having a manic attack i would meet up with boys from ICQ...and one time i would only get with boys with a certain name...did 4 boys with the same name in a matter of a few weeks. (i am actually quite proud of that : > )

i used to be so destructive.

i hate this feeling ...the feeling that the crazy person in me takes over the decision making role and gets me into trouble.

i used to be like this all the time.

just ask Josh. i seriously don't know how he put up with me.

granted i was fun young and vital :) but insane most of the time.

so maybe the difference is that now i know the difference between normal, manic and deep panic.

what a thought to start the day on.

xxx
L






Thursday, June 12, 2003

hello hello

well its almost a week since i last logged a blog.....but the truth is that i have blogged and the stupid blogger ate it instead of posting it.

i'm having a fairly bizarro week.

have had house guests and trauma and blablabla all week.

my folks left on monday morning....i miss them. It was really nice to just hang out with them and stuff.... my dad bought me someslippers that are really cool. there are like a fluffy sheepskin rugs for your feet. the shaggy wool is on the outside and the inside is like inside Uggboots.

i love them.

I love my folks.

meanwhile, brock and marie-anne came to visit over the weekend too. It was fun hanging out with them too. Brock seemed to really love melb....M-A too but brock especially.

so anyway, they loeft on monday night

so yes tha'ts 2 return trips to the airport in one day.

but also on the weekend....ingrid and 2 of her friends come over for a visit.

we had yum cha on sunday....twas most most enjoyable. I love yum cha. we go to this place just off chapel St. called David's.

monday night ingrid, matt and I went out for dinner at Errol's ( i love that place too) then we went to he 35th floor of the sofitel hotel.

for those who haven't been up there its pretty cool. in the toilets....which was the only thing reason we went up there (though there are several quite lovely resturants and cafes) in the bathrooms there is a huge floor to ceiling window....the view is fucking awesome.

so after the visit to the fancy toilets we went to Ginger.

Ginger being this really awesome little cocktail bar on brunswick st.

it just so happened that this week is "the week of Jagermeister". 56 cocktails all with the lovely lovely Jager.

the fun part of having cocktails is choosing which one you are going to have.... for the jager week all the names had something to do with Jager..

like:

smack my jager up
Luke, i am your jager
jedi meister
i love the smell of jager on a morman

etc

and they all had funny little stories

so we were giggling and drinking and have a very fine time.

tuesday i worked....which was fairly boring

the markets were empty.. now i know i'm only been working there for a short time but i've never seem it like that. there were empty stalls everywhere....next to me there were 9 empty stalls in a row.

there's talk that is the tourist market doesnt pick up soon they might close down the markets by the end of the year!!!

so after 75 years, something as stoopid as SARS could destroy a landmark. and icon even.

so anyway, this brings me to my latest dilema.

you know how i work for the perfume dudes? well do and its been good...cept for the severe lack of money thing....so anyway i love being a carnie... working at teh markets is like nothing i've ever experienced before.

everything is so vital- as in alive rather than of super importance... people coming and going and the stall owners are so hilarious. and I love meeting such amazingly different people. all sorts of people.

so i will get back to my trauma.

my bosses, ozlem and Ibrahim are turkish. ozlem speaks english quite well, but ibrihim doens't quite have it all sorted yet.

i work with ibo, so chatting is quite a strain.

i love perfume..LOVE IT. and i love the markets and i really really like my bosses....its just that its not very profitable.

i've applied for another job, had one interview last week and have the final one tomorrow morning. if i get it, its not a bad gig at all. 9-2pm mon-fri working for a big credit union and doing customer service inbound call centre stuff.

now the only reason i think this job woud be good is that the hours are good and the money is good.

ireally don't care much for the job itself.

so there lies my problem.

the almost dream job that doesn't pay very well.... or the job with the good hours good money paid holidays etc but that i don't really care about.

and then the thing that is getting to me beyond all else, is that i feel like i'm letting ozlema and ibo down.

i've taken on this huge loyalty... i feel protective almost of them. because they are so sweet and good and i feel for how they struggle with speaking english etc

but at the same time... i really believe that old saying "i may speak with an accent, but i don't think with one" is so true. Ibo is no dummy. he's very very business savy. he has a lot of talent and innitive etc.
so i know they dont need me, but i think i feel like they do. like if i wasn't there it would all fall apart.

i'm so confused.

the money or the dream?!?

ok now here is the other thing.

with the money i can have other dreams....like buying a house here in melb, a new car, a baby...holidays...the whole thing.

and i do feel bad that matt is working so hard to bring home the bacon and i feel like i'm not contributing enough.

i mean i do house wife stuff and that all counts...and its not like Matt is giving me issue...but i do know that things would be easier and we could do more stuff.

so the responsible thing to do is to just get the paying job, do the perfume gig on the weekends and then we all win.'

so that's my plan i guess.

so how are you all ??